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Children Look to Adults for Comfort and Cues after Terrorist Attack

Recent terrorist attacks against the United States have not only ended lives and destroyed buildings, but also have damaged our sense of security. Children, too, feel confused and vulnerable. They cannot escape the television images, their parents’ teary eyes, conversations at school and other indications of the tragedy’s impact.

For many children, this may be their first experience with grief. After a traumatic event, it is common for children to revert to behaviors they had outgrown, like bedwetting, thumb sucking, crying or clinging. Children may have difficulty falling asleep or wake in the night from bad dreams. Children may become quieter than normal or argue and misbehave more than normal. School performance may slip. Some children may complain of stomachaches, headaches or other unexplained pains.

The parents’ role now is to be patient, loving and understanding with their children and to model healthy ways of dealing with grief.

Rely on Routine

Stress and anxiety are eased to some extent by our day-to-day routines. In these confusing times, families benefit from eating meals together, sticking to consistent sleep schedules, attending regularly scheduled activities and making time for favorite pastimes like music, art or sports.

Time Together

Children are comforted when their parents set aside time to spend with them. Parents should frequently remind them: “I love you, and I am here to take care of you.” Young children should be shielded from disturbing television images, but if older children or teens are interested in watching the news, they will benefit from watching with parents who can discuss or explain the information.

Feelings and Facts

Now, more than ever, it is important for the lines of communication to be open between parents and children. Parents may need to take the first step by asking what their children know about the attacks and how they are feeling. Parents should encourage children to talk about their feelings and express their own sadness.

Children may have lots of questions and ask the same ones repeatedly. Parents should be honest and factual and admit when they don’t know the answers. It won’t help to deny disturbing details that are true, but it is useful to reassure children that terrorist attacks are extremely rare and that our country’s leaders are doing everything they can to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

Positive Approach

Taking constructive action after a traumatic event helps restore one’s sense of control and security. Parents can involve children in campaigns to help the victims of the disasters. For example, children can write letters, help with fundraising or join in healing ceremonies.

Children look to their parents for guidance in these confusing times, so the most important thing for parents to do is to take care of themselves. They can rest more, reach out to loved ones, eat regular meals and take time to do things they enjoy. Parents who manage their own stress are in the best position to guide their children through difficult times.  ‚

Terri Lee, L.C.S.W., C.A.D.C., C.E.A.P., Manager, Employee Assistance Program, Loyola University Health System

More information and links to other useful Web sites can be found at:

Children’s Defense Organization

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