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Watch for the Warning Signs of a Violent Teen

Violent teenagers – such as the ones responsible for school shootings – are most likely in emotional distress and probably showed warning signs long before they took such drastic action.

While school shootings are a very rare occurrence, smaller acts of violence in locker rooms and school corridors happen frequently. They go unnoticed and unreported. Parents and the community should focus on these day-to-day acts of violence, which may precede more dramatic events. How do you know if your child or someone else’s child may become violent? There are some clear warning signs.

Is the teenager connected?

Most acts of dramatic violence are committed by people who are not part of a constructive social group. In adolescence and the pre-teen years, membership in social groups is a very important part of emotional development. A child who is repeatedly shunned or teased about being different is at risk for acting out when provoked beyond his or her tolerance.

A teen who doesn’t fit in at school may rely on family, church, sports or clubs for social connections. It is important to look at the sum total of a teen’s connections. If a teen is routinely ostracized at school, has limited involvement with other community activities, and most importantly, is disconnected from parents or guardians, this is a recipe for disaster.

If the child’s sole source of belonging is a non-constructive social group, such as one focused on violence or weapons, that is another cause for concern. On the other hand, dabbling in the occult or some such group is not necessarily cause for alarm. The important thing, again, is to look at all the teen’s connections and how positive the impact of those groups are on the teen’s behavior and overall development.

Parents who don’t know to what social groups their teens are connected should be worried, because it means they are not very connected to their child themselves. Parents are the most important role models for their teens, whether the child is actively seeking their counsel or not. Even in the presence of non-constructive social groups, strong parental relationships, boundaries and affection are very protective factors in keeping kids safe and influencing them so they make better choices.

What type of environment is the teenager exposed to?

If a teenager’s environment includes access to guns, a multitude of violent video games and television, or violence at school or home, these are warning signs of potential trouble. Parents’ attitudes about violence and use of violence set a model for the teen to follow. When parents hit their children or hit each other, they are teaching the child that violence is an acceptable way to solve a problem.

Granted, in the teenage years, it is impossible for a parent to control everything in their child’s environment, such as what they watch on TV, where they go and to what types of things they have access, but negative influences can be counter balanced with open discussions. If a teenager watches a movie that glorifies violence, the parent can sit down with the child and talk about what really happens when someone gets murdered. Who is affected? Is this really a good way to solve problems?

Certainly, parents should take more control of what their younger children watch, because violent images can scare younger children and make them think the world is an inherently dangerous place. Children and teens who are victims and witnesses of frequent real-life violence or get a steady diet of violent TV programs and movies may eventually just turn off their emotions toward violence and shut down their normal control reactions to their own or another person’s violent behavior. This increases the likelihood that they may act aggressively.

Is the teenager in psychological distress?

A child who is in psychological distress is more likely to hurt himself or someone else. Signs of distress may include withdrawal from friends and family, a sudden decline in grades, a preoccupation with morbid or violent thoughts, reluctance to bathe or take care of themselves, irritability, sexual promiscuity, attempts to avoid situations that were fine in the past, frequent stomach aches, use of alcohol and drugs and other sudden changes in behavior.  

Many parents make the mistake of assuming that it is normal for teens to go through extended phases of irritability or depression, and they miss important signs of distress in their child. The child may be afraid to talk about something that has happened. Another little known fact is that teens who take up smoking are at risk for other problem behaviors. It’s a sign that they are not taking care of their bodies and that they are easily influenced by peers.

Being a good role model and staying in tune with teenagers’ activities and feelings is the parents’ best prevention for violence and other negative behavior – that means spending time together regularly, listening to what they have to say and respecting that teenagers have their own thoughts, feelings and information about risky situations that parents do not necessarily know.

What do you do if the child you are concerned about is not your own? Parents can’t be everywhere at all times, so it is ALL of our responsibility to keep children safe. If a teen is showing definite warning signs of trouble, a concerned person should first get all the information she or he can, then contact the appropriate authority. The teen’s parents or a school counselor may be the best place to start, but if they don’t provide a helpful response, and the problem still exists, the person needs to be persistent in trying to help the teen. Other resources to try are the school principal, a pediatrician, a community mental health agency, a local professional organization, such the Illinois Psychological Association, or the police.

Teenagers often get a bad rap for being difficult, but in truth, most of them are happy and easy to be around. For those teens who have problems, it is necessary work and the whole community’s job to bring them back into the fold. 

Kim Dell’Angela, Ph.D.
Assistant Professor of Pediatrics
Loyola University Chicago, Stritch School of Medicine
Pediatric Psychologist and Co-director of the Child Advocacy Center
Ronald McDonald® Children’s Hospital of Loyola University Medical Center.

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